Today was a really tough day.
This may be the most vulnerable thing I have written yet.
As you may know, over four years ago I was in two car accidents within a week which left me with a TBI and a collection of other physical, mental, and emotional experiences. Fourteen months later there was another, and although each individually may have been recovered from reasonably, together has been another story. The worst thing you can do if you have a concussion, they say, is get another concussion.
Today I had my discovery hearing. I had to go over my life, my life prior to the injuries, and my life now with them. It is an emotionally exhausting experience to have to talk about the things you loved that you can no longer do. The effects on your family, relationships, finances, lifestyle, dreams, and daily life. I used to live on my A-game. Now I see it in little blips. My ego was starved today.
I try to live in present time; to choose each day to look for the light in my life and this world. Part of this is because I can’t change it, I can only focus on healing and being the best version of who I am now. And part of it is because I want to live with purpose, to have value, to leave this place a better place having lived in it. But today was tough. There has been a lot of struggles over these last years to let go and make peace with the losses and try to embrace life as it is now. To list each thing work, home, body, and mind – to talk about it was like cutting open a wound.
The payment of the day is a migraine, vertigo, body spasms, and cognitive fatigue. I am glad that it is done.
Tonight, I feel raw, vulnerable, and mortal.
May we all experience inner peace.
Brightest of blessings,