Most of us, when we were young, were taught to look for happiness outside of ourselves. Maybe not directly, but indirectly by the things that we were encouraged to do and attain. Things like the importance of the career we chose, the importance of secondary education, or a job. Or the push of a relationship, marriage or having children, and even owning a home. There is also the stuff we own and the experiences we have, such as travel and vacations. What about the importance of how we look – nip, tuck, and maintain along with diet, sweat, push, and drive. We do all in an effort to seek happiness. If these things are supposed to make us happy, then why aren’t we?
Think about it. Our personality is made up of the thoughts we think, the feelings we emote, and the actions we do. So if we’re unhappy the key to happiness is to stop being unhappy. Stop thinking the thoughts that make you feel bad. Stop doing the things that cause you to love yourself less. Stop tormenting your body with suffering, complaining and blaming. Your body is getting those chemical messages. The only way we can change our attitude is to change the thoughts we think and the emotions that we feel. When we stop these actions our body is able to go BACK to its natural state, it will get more joyful naturally as a result.
So how do we do this?
Thoughts + feelings + actions creates an attitude
Attitude repeated over and over creates a personality
The personality is the lens in which we look out upon the world, creating our personal reality.
How do we change our attitude or our personality? First, we become intentional with our thoughts. We start to look at each of our thoughts as they arise and question, does this even belong to me? Or is this a program that I downloaded when I was young? Or is it an unconscious belief that, when I was vegging out in front of some media, I allowed it to get in through my psyche, taking it on as my own?
At that point we can start to choose. We can become intentional by intentionally choosing the types of thoughts we want to think. Remember, you are not your thoughts. You are the thinker, the one that is aware of thoughts. Instead of thinking all people are assholes (yes this is a thought I used to have on a regular basis!) we can instead choose to believe that the people around us are just like us, sometimes going through difficulties being pushed and pulled by their experiences. We can choose to believe that people are doing the best they can with what they have at the moment. Dont we all do better when someone supports us with a new tool, or gently assists in helping us become aware?
We can see the light in all of those around us by choosing to look for it. We can look for the good or we can look for the bad, the choice is ours!
Second, we can elevate our emotions. At first we can do this by looking at photos or things that bring us positive memories and positive emotions, or listening to positive music, etc. From there we can begin to build on it. We can train our body to understand what it feels like to feel joy, to feel gratitude, to feel happiness. We train ourselves. We train our mind and we train our body how we want to think and how we want to feel. Our mind and our body are tools, they are instruments like a paintbrush and a canvas, things to create beautiful art with. But they are not the Creator of our reality. That is our Consciousness, the Self with a capital S. The one that is always there at every age is the creator of your life.
When we think new thoughts and feel new emotions we automatically create new behaviours. New behaviours create new experiences, and then the cycle repeats in a new direction creating a new personality which creates a new personal reality.
So what is the secret to happiness? Stop being unhappy. Change the way you think and change the way you feel by choosing to. Come back into the body and strengthen the will.
This is not about faking it. This is truly about choice. We direct our mind. Yes, it is work. We have allowed our memories to direct our thoughts which has trained the body to create certain emotions. Now we need to become Sovereign once again over these two instruments that the ego has been controlling and manipulating for some time.
I was asked recently how I personally changed the way I see the world. How did I allow myself to start becoming more positive in the face of difficulties? My answer, I chose to start looking for the Silver Linings. I chose to be a greater version of myself. No, it is not always easy. And yes, sometimes I slip. However, I get back up more quickly each time. I don’t beat myself up or talk cruelly to myself anymore, I practice self-compassion. I just remind myself that I did my best in that moment and can do better now.
Today I choose to dig deep, to strengthen my willpower and direct it towards happiness. Not outside of myself, but inside. This is what it means when they say happiness is an inside job.
What will you choose? What thoughts will you think? What emotions would you allow yourself to feel?
Your life is the most beautiful piece of art and you are the One creating it. What will your Masterpiece be?
I look forward to creating a beautiful world together!
Brightest of blessings,
So what is the secret to happiness?
I was listening to a speaker this week and he said this question gets asked to him often. His answer? Stop being unhappy. I laughed out loud! It also reminded me that Mike had said something similar years ago, the secret to happiness is to be happy.