I did not go down without a fight.
Just over four years ago my life took a hard turn. I went from being all business with a little woo-woo, to struggling to hold onto my life and my sense of normalcy. As many of you know, I was in 2 car accidents back-to-back which left me with a traumatic brain injury and then post concussive syndrome. I tried to ignore it. I tried to push through. I got angry, because in truth, I was terrified.
Who was I if I was no longer all the identities I had created?
One of the doctors warned me that I would be my greatest obstacle. I was pissed. What the hell was that supposed to mean? She suggested I start mindfulness practices of meditation and gentle yoga. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be better, I wanted to do treatments and force myself better. I really wanted to be my self again.
My body revolted to aggressive forms of physio and treatments. It wanted gentle and nurturing. It was like my mind and body were at war. And I realized my brain was my body, not my mind, so I started to listen. As I began the journey it was very intellectual. I needed to understand the science to be able to buy into the process. Why do meditation and mindful movement practices work? Step by step I would grow into who I am today. Underneath it all has been this question, who am I?
My greatest obstacle was me, my need to hold on to who I was, so, I practiced letting go and began to explore. I found more strength as I got quieter and still. I found weakness in aggression. I found beauty in places I had been to busy to look before.
The journey continues. If I look at cognitive and physical capabilities from before, I am probably somewhere between 60-65% recovered. But the thing I notice the most is that I suffer 85% less. The more I am present the less expectations and judgements I have. Not only about myself, but about the world around me.
My journey has been inspired by a book, The Surrender Experiment. Inspired is a perfect word.
My greatest values are Freedom, Courage, and Wisdom.
My wish is to be better than I was; to live a life of surrender, so that I may live with my heart and mind wide open.
What is your greatest wish?
Brightest of blessings,